Yo, there’s something going down,

And it’s enough to make Duff Daddy frown,

You see his upper parts are startin’ to wobble,

And below his belly, parts are gettin’ up a waddle.

 

See the Duff looks like one of those large rapper dudes,

The ‘full package’, a ‘butter ball’, liking too many foods,

You see he hasn’t been the greatest ‘food refuser’,

And now he’s a prime candidate for the ‘Biggest Loser’!

 

You see the Duff has spent too much time on the French fries,

Cream puffs, Wopper Burgers, chiko rolls and the meat pies,

Now the fat is starting to pile, there’s no need for a smile,

Cause he’s building up a larger-than-life profile.

 

Yo, the Duff is worried that his pecs will no longer flex,

From his health checks, there’s more to this worrying hex,

What is particularly disturbing is the two of his man boobs,

When he still wants to be one of those cool-looking dudes!

 

Now the Duff doesn’t want to decide if it’s a C or D cup,

He wants to look down and see that nothing at all is up,

So to borrow a line, trusting that it shall be all fine,

Instead of the memories: ‘thanks for the mammaries’!

 

So to ‘rap’ it all up,

To avoid that dreaded bra cup:

Duff will need to exercise much more than his vocals,

Watch what he eats and work out with some locals,

He knows that this will be most energy-sapping,

But he wants to keep going with his fun and his rapping.

Yo, this tale has the Duff all worried and red-faced,

Looks like his face was stung by bees or some mace,

It is a sorry story promoting patience not haste

That shows that blind ignorance can lead to waste.

 

Bros, so the Duff he was so short of the big gig,

Was most keen to support an overseas big wig,

His drought was pronounced, the rap river’d run dry,

Even drinks at a pub the Duff could not buy.

 

But then came news from Duff’s own agent,

(Bloke would be homeless if Duff paid the rent!)

News that Duff was replacing a dude named Trey Songz

(He might now be able to wear shoes, instead of thongs).

 

So the Duff was excited, he practised all of his rhyme,

Dusted of his rap cap, he looked so cool and refined,

Scanned the paper, the gig details he wanted to see

And pondered: who could this big star possibly be?

 

But so excited was Duff he rushed out of the door,

Arrived at the gig place, so early at a quarter to four,

Strolled around, had a Coke to let nerves settle down,

Gazed round - this had to be biggest arena in town!

 

Finally, some people started to take up their places,

Chattering, expectation written all over their faces,

For a moment Duff thought he was top of the bill,

But then remembered a star caused the seats to fill.

 

And just as he was warming to take to the stage,

To finally rap for money, earn some kinda wage,

A dark fellow in a suit that could not have been plusher

Walked up to Duff and introduced himself as ‘Usher’.

 

Now the Duff could see people were seeking a seat,

There was a need for the audience to get off their feet,

And thinking that his presence might promote a rush,

Duff kindly suggested to the Usher to go off and ‘ush’.

 

Bemused, the gent turned, walked slowly off the stage,

Then Duff was told he was replaced, there’d be no wage,

He’d upset the star, a dark man with heaps of style,

‘Ah’, old Duff thought, ‘the star must have been Kamahl’.